Remember...

Remember when I loved you?
Eyes, all for you.
 Remember sweet whispers of nothing
Soft and caressing like summers wind?
Remember big brown orbs and soft subtle curves?
And swollen lips?
Remember summer?
How could you forget.
These are the last of memories I'm writing,
May they'll be remembered by someone else.
Someone new to it all.
May they learn the lessons involved with the hands of others
May the learn the right and wrongs,
And may they age with grace at the hands of Father Time himself.
More so than I have.

May the bridges I burn
Light my way.

Strange

It's strange,
How content I've become.
Happy.
Satisfied really.
Maybe it's because I haven't been in the longest while.
It's strange,
How okay I am with not knowing what's next.
Which I must say,
Is very unlike the Raiven I've come to know.
It strange,
I must say,
How the little things can completely affect my entire demeanor
Even as I type this,
There is no set path,
And this is no set poem.

Just a girl,
And ink.

Is this what being human is?
Being vulnerable?
Having so much different raw emotions running through you,
All at one time?
Can words - groups of letters- hurt so much?

I've been sitting here for the longest while, trying to figure out what the heck I'm feeling. Because only the good Lord knows.
This myriad of emotions is both taxing and refreshing.
I haven't felt like this in ages.
Its funny, because usually moments like this generally cause a relapse, but I haven't cried in ages. Odd isn't it. It seems like I've missed crying. But I needed to. I needed a release.

I'm here, now, typing on a keyboard I haven't used in ages, on a medium that I haven't used far longer than the keyboard
Feeling;
Sad, Angry, Upset, Frustrated, Pissed at the same recurring problem I have no idea of fixing.
Missing someone that I've allowed to get so close to me.
Scared and Vulnerable because I've allowed them to get that close.
Unsure, because I don't know if they understand how immense this is.
Confused, because I'm allowing myself to overthink.
Happy, because I've allowed myself to be. I've allowed myself to be in a relationship of some sorts again. I've allowed myself to grow. (And because I found the videos :) )
Stressed because I keep shutting myself up, and allowing people to walk all over me.
Hungry -not because my stomach is grumbling- for even more growth, and freedom.

I'm a mess, and its as simple as that.
I don't know what to do 80% of the time and afraid to ask for help 90.
 But I'm learning. And blossoming. Slowly but surely.

So right now, this is my solution - I'm going to take a deep breath..... and put one foot infront the other and figure things out along the way.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step"

Lao Tzo

12: 01

And at midnight
They walked with the wind.
And when they were done,
She leaned in to give him a kiss.
But he was gone

And she placed her head down,
And closed her eyes,
And hummed herself a sweet lullaby.

And at the end
When she was done,

He was there.

Day 12/13

So I dont think I'll be posting for a while.
Today (Sunday) is one of the worst days of my life.
My Grandma died. And Im totally and completely broken.
Its Monday so Happy Birthday to my mom and PJ.

Day 006

Saw this today and thought "why the hell not?"
I'll do 50.

kill your curiosity

• 1. Last kiss - I dont kiss and tell.
• 2. Last phone call - Daddy
• 3. Last text message - Varrion
• 4. Last song you listened to- Let her go by Passenger
• 5. Last time you cried - Not sure
• HAVE YOU EVER:
• 6. Dated someone twice - Yup.
• 7. Been cheated on- Sadly
• 8. Self harmed - For why?
• 9. Lost someone special - Yes.
• 10. Been depressed - LOL. Story of my life.
• 11. Been drunk and threw up - Drunk? No. Threw up? Yes.
• 12. Had sex - Nope.
• 13. How many people have you had sex with this year? -0 did you not see my last answer?
• 15. Made a new friend - Yes.
• 17. Laughed until you cried - too many times.
• 18. Met someone who changed you - LOL oh yes.
• 19. Found out who your true friends were? - Yes
• 20. Found out someone was talking about you? Mhm
• 26. What did you do for your last Birthday? Gwaan bad
• 27. What time did you wake up today? After 10.. I think
• 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for? Dah Subbie deh.
• 30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time? Never.
• 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? Too much bad drama.
• 32. What are you listening to right now? The phone ringing
• 33. When is the last time you had sex? See question 12
• 34. Who's getting on your nerves right now? Surprisingly no-one
• 35. Most visited webpage? Twitter
• 36. Favorite colour? Blue
• 37. Nicknames? Rayy. Rayy Rayy. Hanna
• 38. Relationship Status? Fat. Single and ready for a pringle.
• 39. Zodiac sign? Capricorn
• 40. Male or female? Vajayjay nigga.
• 41. Primary school? Mt. St. Joseph Prep thank you very much.
• 42. Secondary School? Bishop Gibson high/ St. Andrew High School For Girls
• 43. High school/college? Caribbean School of Architecture, UTECH.
• 44. Eye color? Brown
• 46. Height? 5'4"
• 47. Do you have a crush on someone? lol
• 48. What do you like about yourself? too cute for life. Joking. I like that I like food.
• 49. Piercings? 1 set.
• 50. Tattoos? weeeeeelllll...

 What the heck.. 100 never hurt anybody.

• 51. Righty or lefty? Righty
• FIRSTS:
• 53. First piercing? ears. age? before I could remember
• 54. First best friend? This little pillsbury dough boy named Chucky
• 55. First hookup? I dont kiss and tell, remember.
• 56. First Bestfriend? Kimani Leanne Jackson
• RIGHT NOW:
• 59. Eating- nothing
• 60. Drinking- nothing
• 61. I'm about to- finish this romance e-book
• 62. Listening to- I wont dance - Fred Astaire (remix)
• 63. Waiting for- hmm.. nothing
• YOUR FUTURE:
• 64. Want kids? Yep
• 65. Get married? ohh yes
• 66. Career? Graphics/ Media/ Interior design/ landscaping maybe
• WHICH IS BETTER:
• 67. Lips or eyes- oh thats hard...lips?
• 68. Hugs or kisses- HUUUGGGSS
• 69. Shorter or taller - Taller most def.
• 70. Older or Younger- older?
• 71. Romantic or spontaneous- Spontaneously romantic?
• 72. Nice stomach or nice arms- both
• 73. Sensitive or loud- sensitively loud
• 74. Hook-up or relationship- relationship
• HAVE YOU EVER:
• 76. Kissed a stranger- nope?
• 77. Drank hard liquor- yes.
• 78. Lost glasses/contacts- nope. broke them
• 79. Had sex- second time youre asking me this.
• 80. Broken someone's heart- intentionally? never
• 82. Been arrested- nooo
• 83. Turned someone down- yup
• 84. Cried when someone died- yes.
• 85. Fallen for a friend- lol
• DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
• 86. Yourself- well duh.
• 87. Miracles- yeah
• 88. Love at first sight- HA!
• 89. Heaven-  yes
• 90. Santa Clause- didnt he retire?
• 91. Kiss on the first date- que sera sera
• 92. Angels-yes
• 93. How would you label yourself? Raiven.
• 94. Someone You Pray Everyday For- I pray for everyone every time I pray.
• 95. Did you sing today- nope
• 96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About?
• 97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? 3/ 4 years old maybe.
• 98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For?
• 99. Are you afraid of falling in love? Love?
• 100. Do you like the way you look? I is fabulous!

IN OTHER NEWS

THEY'RE BAAAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!!!

...and this sweater is really comfy

Day 005

Sunday, youve been good to me.
Skin, sun and sand.
I went to the beeeeeeeaaaccchhhh.
(I'll post pics later)

And then Christmas Ham thighs.

And this guy.
Made my afternoon Superman.
(Nothing new there)