Is this what being human is?
Being vulnerable?
Having so much different raw emotions running through you,
All at one time?
Can words - groups of letters- hurt so much?

I've been sitting here for the longest while, trying to figure out what the heck I'm feeling. Because only the good Lord knows.
This myriad of emotions is both taxing and refreshing.
I haven't felt like this in ages.
Its funny, because usually moments like this generally cause a relapse, but I haven't cried in ages. Odd isn't it. It seems like I've missed crying. But I needed to. I needed a release.

I'm here, now, typing on a keyboard I haven't used in ages, on a medium that I haven't used far longer than the keyboard
Feeling;
Sad, Angry, Upset, Frustrated, Pissed at the same recurring problem I have no idea of fixing.
Missing someone that I've allowed to get so close to me.
Scared and Vulnerable because I've allowed them to get that close.
Unsure, because I don't know if they understand how immense this is.
Confused, because I'm allowing myself to overthink.
Happy, because I've allowed myself to be. I've allowed myself to be in a relationship of some sorts again. I've allowed myself to grow. (And because I found the videos :) )
Stressed because I keep shutting myself up, and allowing people to walk all over me.
Hungry -not because my stomach is grumbling- for even more growth, and freedom.

I'm a mess, and its as simple as that.
I don't know what to do 80% of the time and afraid to ask for help 90.
 But I'm learning. And blossoming. Slowly but surely.

So right now, this is my solution - I'm going to take a deep breath..... and put one foot infront the other and figure things out along the way.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step"

Lao Tzo